Here are 50 fun kayak puns and paddling jokes for all kayaking occasions.
Enjoy!
I just bought two kayaks for the price of one
Canoe believe it?
What does Donald Trump call kayaks?
Fake canoes
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe tell me some good kayak puns?
A man gets home from working the night shift one morning and his wife greets him at the door, wearing nothing but a skimpy nightie and a smile.
“Tie me up,” she says: “And you can do whatever you want!”
So he ties her up, and half an hour later he’s kayaking on the river.
Two guys are fishing on a tandem kayak in the dead of winter. As the air becomes more icy and the temperature starts to drop even more one kayaker suggests they light a fire.
The second kayaker agrees and digs out his survival kit with his lighter in it. He lights a fire and after 10 minutes the burnt kayak sinks leaving the two men floating in the freezing waters.
The first guy says, ” well, it just goes to show that you can’t have your kayak and heat it”.
Two old men are paddling in their kayaks one morning when a funeral procession drives by.
One of the old men takes off his hat & puts it over his heart. He drops his head and seems to mumble an almost silent prayer.
The procession winds its way around the cove and disappears over a hill. The old man finished up his prayer, blesses himself and wipes a solitary tear from his eye. Then he slowly replaces his hat and continues paddling.
The other old man is amazed to see this side of his old friend and says to him, “Hey Barney that was a really nice and thoughtful thing you just did.”
Barney replies, “Well Sam, it was the least I could do after 49 years of marriage.”
A newbie paddler asked his instructor if it was difficult to learn how to whitewater kayak.
No it’s really easy to learn whitewater kayaking”, replied the kayak instructor, “you just go with the flow.”
How many kayakers does it take to change a light-bulb?
Four.
Three to stand around discussing the size of the hole and one to get on with it.
A kayak instructor hands two kayak paddles to her student and asked, “which one do you prefer?”
The student replied “either, oar”.
How do kayak instructors change a light bulb?
They hold it up against the connection and wait for the world to revolve around them.
How can you tell if someone is a kayak guide?
Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
A boy at school asks his teacher, “Miss Jenkins, what’s a palindrome?”
Miss Jenkins replies, “ahh … racecar”.
12 years later the same boy, now a young man, burst out of a bank on main street his arms bulging with bags full of stolen money.
“Where’s the palindrome?”, he shouts to his associate waiting beside the getaway vehicle.
“Here”, the getaway driver says pointing to a kayak.
I was on a quiz show once and they asked me to come up with a 5-letter palindrome that starts with “K”.
It’s a pity that I was so stumped because if I had answered correctly I’d have won a brand new kayak.
How does a kayak instructor prepare for night out clubbing?
He puts a clean fleece on.
Me and my wife had a huge row yesterday.
We love our new kayak.
Good Kayaks are like women.
The best ones are the hardest to get in to.
One paddler asks another paddler, “how do you annoy a female kayaker?”
“I don’t know”, the second paddler replied.
“You hold her helmet just out of reach.”, the first paddler replied.
“How did she get her helmet back?” the second paddler inquired.
“I’m not sure” replied the first paddler, “but if you ask the ambulance driver up front he might know!”
What does kayaking have in common with English beer?
They are both close to water.
What did Gotye say after he grounded his Pescador Pilot?
“Now you’re just some kayak that I used to know”.
What did Gotye say after he grounded his Sevylor Ogden?
“Now you’re just some canoe that I used to row”.
One kayaker said to the other kayaker “do I need to tie my kayak at the marina?”
The other kayaker replied, “knot sure”.
A kayaker couldn’t get into the marina because a boat was blocking the entrance.
That’s what I call pier pressure!
A kayak instructor and a priest die.
Outside the pearly gates Saint Peter says to them, “sorry, but there is only room for one more person in heaven.” He then leaves to go consult with some other saints and angels to see which one he should allow in to heaven.
The priest turns to the kayak instructor and smugly says, “it’s obviously going to be me that he lets in to heaven because I’m the most spiritual.”
“Maybe”, the kayak instructor replies.
Shorty afterwards Saint Peter returns and turning to the two men he says, “We are allowing you to go into heaven” as he points to the kayak instructor. He then allows the kayak instructor to go through the gates to heaven.
The priest, who is now very confused, asks Saint Peter, “why did you let him in instead of me? I’ve taught the gospel and helped people find God”.
Saint Peter replies, “The kayaker instructor has helped more people find God than you”.
Not believing that the kayaker could have brought more people to God than he did he asked Saint Peter how this could be true.
Saint Peter replies, “well, whenever people came to you, they would fall asleep listening to your sermons. But, whenever people went kayaking with the instructor, they would pray!”
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a South Carolina man answered his door to find two grim-faced State Troopers facing him.
“Hello Mr Smith. We have some information about your wife”, said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her? Please tell me you found her and that she is ok.”, exclaimed Mr. Smith.
The troopers looked at each other briefly before one said to the man, “well Mr Smith we have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, and wanting to get it out of the way first Mr. Smith said, “please … give me the bad news first.”
The trooper looked solemnly at him and said in a soft voice, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body and kayak at Myrtle Beach.”
“Oh my God!”, exclaimed Mr. Smith.
Swallowing hard, he then asked the trooper, “what’s the good news?”
The trooper perked up a bit and smiling answered saying, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Smith demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what on earth is the the great news?”
The trooper quickly replied with a grin spreading across his face, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
Two kayakers on vacation in South America are paddling down the Amazon when one says to the other, “Isn’t this breathtakingly beautiful?”
“Yes it is”, replies the other kayaker, “and can you believe they named it after a website?”
While watching the Olympic kayaking teams compete I was surprised at how bad the Cuban team was at paddling.
Then I realized … that’s probably why they’re still in Cuba!
An Egyptian kayaker who lost his paddle just couldn’t accept the fact that he was stuck in de nile.
Did you hear about the kayaker that hit a submerged couch during the Rio Olympics?
It was a fabricated story.
Hopefully you got a chuckle from these 50 kayak puns and jokes.